Why Humor is Good for All of Us
How to Make the Best Use of Humor When You Have a Disability
Benefits of Humor in the Workplace
What to Do
What Not to Do
When I was 10 years old, my world looked pretty grim. There was not much to laugh about. I had cerebral palsy. I had flunked first grade at my local, one-room school in rural Wisconsin. I was staying with "house" parents during the week to attend an orthopedic school 60 miles from home. And my mother had cancer and was on radiation treatment.
But, during that time, I learned an essential skill from my third-grade teachers: how to step out of my situation and laugh at one of my quirks. I was struggling with my multiplication tables and couldn't remember that three times nine was 27. Miss Van Tassell and Miss McKillip, both blessed with hearty laughter, teamed up to help me never to forget that three times nine was 27. It became our comic routine. In the hallway, at lunch or in therapy, I would suddenly be quizzed by the staff people, "Jim, what's three times nine?" I would proudly answer, "27," and everyone would laugh, including myself.
I had learned to not take myself too seriously -- to, indeed, find amusement in my own vulnerabilities. That's a lesson that today I feel so lucky to have learned at such an early age.
Fast forward 40 years, and I'm at an executive committee business meeting (a "power" lunch) and inadvertently squirt chocolate milk into my face and onto the front of my suit. If I could, I would crawl under the table -- so embarrassed.
"Damn suit," I mutter. "I just got it dry cleaned."
"How you going to explain that one to Pam?" the vice president of manufacturing chides, referring to my wife.
"I'll do my Superman switch before I walk in the front door," I shoot back, and we all laugh.
Why Humor is Good for All of Us
In "A Spoonful of Humor," Dr. Stu Silverstein, a practicing pediatrician in Stamford, Conn., writes, "Laughter is a wonderful way to work off psychological stress. When we see the funny side of things, we shift our perspective. Putting things in a new light often leads to solutions to problems that we might not have figured out otherwise. Also, this may often be the best antidote to depression, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness. One of the most effective non-medical treatments for depression is cognitive behavioral therapy, which actually helps chronically depressed patients to 'rethink' their old thought processes. This is exactly what humor does."
That "rethinking" de-mystifies what is often incomprehensible to us. James Thurber defined humor as "chaos, remembered in tranquility."
I prefer to think of that "chaos" as incongruity. "We delight," explains Dr. R. Dale Leichty, "in those people who can laugh at the incongruities in themselves and in the world around them."
Freud recognized the humor in incongruity. He coined the expression "gallows humor" to explain the therapeutic effect of humor on individuals in difficult or life threatening situations. The TV show M*A*S*H, for instance, showed that humor, both sophomoric and satiric, could co-exist in a health care environment and in a war zone. The doctors and nurses on M*A*S*H cared deeply about their patients, and laughter enabled them to retain their sanity in an environment that often did not make sense.
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How to Make the Best Use of Humor When You Have a Disability
I like George Bernard Shaw's philosophy about humor because it provides perspective for people who live with vulnerability. He wrote, "Life does not cease to be funny when people die no more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
A dorm mother, an English teacher and now an associate professor, Shirley Allen has the same philosophy. Asked about her life as a person who is deaf, Allen asserts, "Spending all of one's time adjusting doesn't leave much time for happiness."
Nick Peterson, Shaky Speaker Presentations, has a pleasing bite to his adjustment. Audiences marvel at his ability to speak clearly through the movements sometimes generated by his Parkinson's. Peterson likes to tell meeting planners, "I'm my own visual aid." As a result, he gets people's attention. They listen and they remember.
But adjusting to a disability doesn't come easy, and the humor involved doesn't have to be flippant. "For a portion of my life, I was angry because people were so quick to make assumptions about me," says Carol Leish, who holds a bachelor's degree in human development and a master's degree in education and counseling from Cal State San Bernardino. "But, through continued counseling and leading the in-service training, I've come to terms with my own abilities. I see myself as capable and other people as more capable."
As Silverstein says, humor is a matter of perspective, and people who are living well with their disabilities have somehow managed (either through an inherited predisposition or a learned response) to see beyond their vulnerabilities and recognize as well as celebrate irony in those vulnerabilities.
For example, eSight's Nan Hawthorne, who is legally blind, likes to tell people, with a wicked grin, being visually impaired isn't all bad because, "I can't see the dust, so I don't have to!"
Hawthorne also has this quick reply whenever people start talking about the myth that blind people are more spiritual and moral: "That's only true of me -- not other blind people."
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Benefits of Humor in the Workplace
Victor Borge once said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." Applying that observation to the world of work can become a powerful tool for people with disabilities.
- Here's how eSight's Liz Seger handled a delicate situation:
- "When I was volunteering at the Red Cross, I had to go to a meeting of dignitaries for the city, but I'd slept in and dressed hurriedly and rushed to the meeting. I sat all through the meeting, left and came back to the office. As I walked through the office after hanging up my coat, I heard hysterical laughter coming from the branch manager's desk. I turned around said, 'What?'
"To which the branch manager said, "Well, I knew you had horns, Liz, but I now see you've sprouted a tail." The panty hose I had worn the day before had static cling to them and meshed with panty hose I had on -- and I'd dragged the both of them through the meeting without anyone saying anything to me until I got to the Red Cross office. I laughed.
"I think that is the key to humor at work -- you have to be able to laugh at your own foibles first so that your co-workers or volunteers will see you think it's funny when you screw up. That way, they'll relax, too. Everyone, no matter whether you're blind or physically disabled or able-bodied, screws up, and those screw ups can be a way of breaking down the barriers -- a commonality we all share.
"My branch manager knew I could take it in stride and knew she could tease me about that. But the people at the meeting must have been uncomfortable about pointing out my 'tail' to me."
- Hawthorne says she uses humor at work for three reasons:
- She likes to make people laugh.
- She believes carefully executed humor about her sight puts people at ease.
- "People worry a lot about mentioning your disability," Hawthorne explains. "They don't want to offend you or bring up what they see as a sad topic. My cheerful wisecracks about it tells them that I'm OK -- I accept my visual impairment. I've had colleagues make little jokes themselves and then, when I laugh, they look so pleased. They were testing my reaction and now know how 'far' they can go. One example: A woman who is on a committee with me recently said in an e-mail that she was sending me a 'bcc' (blind carbon copy) and figured I could handle that well. I roared with laughter. She has relaxed considerably around me."
- Humor also helps her deal with her own anger about how she is treated.
- "If I can make a joke, I can move on," Hawthorne admits. "And I often make jokes after I calm myself down. For instance, I hate it when people say, 'You don't look blind!' I don't say anything then -- except maybe that, since blindness is so varied, how I look is just one of the ways blindness looks. But, after -- to a co-worker -- I will say I should have said, 'You know, you're right! Maybe I'm not. Can I borrow your car?'"
Humor tends to have cumulative effect. When you use humor effectively, your co-workers anticipate future interactions with you.
- Bernie, who is partially sighted, says he feels less embarrassed or inferior, if he can joke about his visual impairment. It also puts his co-workers in a good mood. He explains:
- "If it is a co-worker and I can't see who it is, I say, 'Hi face. Forgive me, but I can't see who you are right now. I hope you are well and having a good day.' If it is a bigwig, I say something like. 'Uh, just hold on, I'll ask my dog to read this.' They usually laugh, or jokingly tell me to shut up!"
- Debbie, who is totally blind, says:
- "I currently work from home for a local school corporation, calling substitute teachers. I sometimes make a joke about myself and my guide dog, and I sometimes will make a joke about driving. I have used a common phrase such as 'shedding a little light on the subject' or other such phrases in a humorous way. They usually laugh."
- Karen, who is totally blind, uses humor to show she's a "real" person:
- "At times, I may act blind to make a point that blind people are people, too, and can do most anything a sighted person. My co-workers begin to relate to me as a real person. For example, someone will say, Karen, you don't look like you are blind, you can look right at us when talking. So, I may purposely turn my chair around and have my back to them and begin to talk. They laugh, and I have made my point.
"I'll tell my co-workers about amusing incidents that have happened to me as a blind person. It shows I'm a real person who may have a different perspective but can make the same mistakes nearly everyone else makes at one time or another."
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What to Do
- At 42, Linda French developed epilepsy, broke her ankle and had to deal with severe arthritis. Within two years, she couldn't walk very well and began using a scooter. She tells about coming to terms with her new reality:
- "When I first started using the scooter..., I was very depressed. I felt very dependent on others and that strangers were all staring at me. I hung my head and avoided eye contact. This is very strange behavior for me because I am normally very outgoing, talkative, and make friends with just about anybody. I lost the job I had held for many years (and with it the rest of my self-confidence).
"It took months of contemplation, but I recalled the lessons I taught my sons of doing everything the best you can. So, I gave my scooter a name -- "Harley" -- to ease the barrier and discomfort interviewers might have about it and found a job in short order! My outgoing self-confidence and sense of humor came back with naming my scooter -- and so did my employment.
"That's what employers want: People who not only can do the job but also people who will fit in with other people (and be accepted by) the group. And, if you accept yourself, even with a little bit of humor about your disability, you will be accepted right away."
French's story illustrates how you can use humor appropriately:
- Assess your own ability to use humor in your own constructive way to break down barriers.
- Use the right humor in the right time and in the right situation. Be agile. Temper the humor you use according to the situation. Use your creativity to surprise people.
- Change your approach or avoid humor altogether, if someone is too uncomfortable to enjoy your humor.
- Give others the permission to laugh by revealing the human side of yourself.
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What Not to Do
When used thoughtfully, humor can be completely free of side effects. But it can backfire, if you don't use it skillfully. Here are some tips from Hawthorne about what not to do:
- Don't try to use humor if you are bad at it. You will just look awkward.
- Use irony and puns but stay away from self-deprecating or mean humor.
- Don't overdo or force it. Get to know when a joke will put people at ease and when it will just call undue attention to yourself.
- Watch dry humor. Lots of people don't get it.
Hawthorne also says she loves blind jokes but tends not to tell them in work settings because they usually involve injuring dogs or Helen Keller -- not in good taste.
Here are some other instances where humor is not appropriate:
- Debbie: "When a person is telling you something serious, giving you important information, or sharing a personal experience with you that is not a humorous one."
- Bernie: "When I am in trouble that has nothing to do with vision."
- Karen: "When it is very busy in the office, a lot of work to be done, a presentation being made or if we are all in a meeting discussing business."
Seger also cautions about accepting humor as a guise for bigotry or as a subtle put-down. She once had a "Boss From Hell" who referred to her and her fellow blind employees as the "three blind mice."
"Racial slurs, over-generalizations and religious slurs, if they are done to hurt and demean, they are not funny," says Seger, "and you can tell usually by the type of voice used, the body language and the facial expressions, if they are indeed demeaning.
Tom McWhinnie, Katherine Esty and Hy Resnick who write a column called, "Work Matters," for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, warn us to watch for these Subtle put-downs and not-so-subtle jokes and slurs:
- "She's a really tough broad."
- "Hey, for a black (a crip, a Jap, a fag) he/she works pretty well."
- "Have you heard the one about...?"
Yet, co-workers who are bothered by the slurs often remain silent because they haven't thought of an adequate comeback or because they are afraid of embarrassing someone. The columnists admit people can't fight every battle every day. However, they advise picking your time, using humor whenever possible.
Here are some all-purpose come-backs they say have worked well in the past:
- "I'm uncomfortable with your last comment."
- "I have a problem with the word 'broad,' or 'fag,' or 'crip.'"
- "That word (or joke) really bothers me -- I want you to know that."
And, when you're not sure how to respond, simply saying, "Ouch" often does the trick. Simply speaking up is an act of courage.
I believe Dr. Neil B. Shulman finds the right touch in using humor in his "Humor and Medicine" article: "Life is the dash between two numbers on a tombstone. So we should try to make that dash as joyous and healthy for ourselves as possible -- as well as help everyone else's dash."
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