Straight Talk: What to Say to Co-workers About Your Disability

Summary:
You're hired. Now you have to navigate the murky waters of establishing social relationships at work. What's the best way to discuss your disability with your new co-workers?

The New Kid on the Block Is Blind!

What Are They Worried About?

Straight Talk


The New Kid on the Block Is Blind!

You've successfully cleared the big hurdle: You got the job. Home free? Not quite. Over the first few months at your new job, you will set the tone for how you interact with your co-workers. How can you prevent misunderstandings about your disability and about how your disability impacts them?

It has been observed that the average worker spends more waking time with co-workers than with his family -- eight hours a day for 42 weeks a year for, say, 40 years. That's 72,000 hours! Top this fact off with another fact that: By and large, you don't choose the members of this family but are thrown together in a setting full of stress and competition. No wonder the social relationships at work can be the most troublesome for many people, leading to work tension, burnout, and even termination.

Starting out on the right foot is difficult enough for any "new kid on the block." He's the Unknown. He may be coming into a "family" that has been together for a long time. Someone in the company may also have wanted his job. He may be taking the place of a well-loved and missed predecessor. His predecessor may be a hard act to follow, or he may have muddied the water for his successor.

But what if that "kid" is disabled? First, the new worker needs to answer these questions, spoken or not, about his disability:

• "Is it catching?"
  
  
• "How did it happen?"
  
  
• "Isn't there surgery?"
  
  
• "Can you see this? How about this?"
  
  

But he also needs to deal with the edgier, often unspoken ones about whether and how the disability will impact his co-workers:

• "Is he going to be out sick a lot? Who will do his work then?"
  
  
• "Am I going to get stuck doing his work as well as mine?"
  
  
• "Will he get special treatment?"
  
  
• "I wonder if he will be needy and demanding?"
  
  

When you begin a new job, you have a chance to start these relationships out on the right foot. Whether you're someone who is very capable and willing to communicate about your disability, you're very private and reluctant to share, or you use the topic to manipulate or monopolize attention from others, you must weigh the consequences of how you approach the subject from the get-go.

It isn't fair that you must take on this burden, but it's a fact. There are no guarantees that your best efforts will be effective with your particular set of new co-workers. But, unless you treasure the prospect of 72,000 contentious, suspicious, resentful and miserable hours on the job, you must think about how to deal with all those questions I just listed above.

Go to Top of Page


What Are They Worried About?

There are lots of thoughts going through the minds of your new co-workers when they hear the new guy is disabled or when they first see you walk in with your white cane or guide dog: anxiety, resentment, curiosity, trepidation, a threatened feeling, a genuine desire to learn -- you name it.

You may very well walk into a situation where everyone tries his best to get along, work together and show interest in and support each other. But often there will be at least one or two people who aren't so well adjusted. You may encounter negative attitudes, too.

Why the negative reactions? One or more of the following may be in play -- in addition to the normal reaction (the Unknown disrupting the "happy family") to any new person.

• Sheer ignorance about disability
  
  
• Fear of making a fool of oneself or hurting your feelings
  
  
• Actual false information about disabled people
  
  
• An intolerant unwillingness to overlook any quirks or mannerisms you may exhibit as a blind or visually impaired person
  
  
• A bad experience with another disabled person
  
  
• A distrustful, "put upon" personality
  
  And any number of pre-existing attitudes -- even a dislike of dogs!
  
  

Should the skeptical co-worker try to articulate her fears and doubts, she might come up with one or more of these statements:

• "I'm going to offend him, I just know it!"
  
  
• "Oh, great, another person who will get out of doing any work."
  
  
• "What was the boss thinking? You can't do this work, if you can't see!"
  
  
• "It's going to be really embarrassing with him here."
  
  
• "He's going to take forever at things! It'll be a drag on the rest of us."
  
  
• "How long will it be before he gets hurt or breaks something?"
  
  
• "Guess we all know who will be the boss's pet now!"
  
  
• "Oh, goody, someone I can take care of and boss around!"
  
  
• "Well, I'm not going to give him rides -- that's final."
  
  
• "Oh, isn't that sweet? A differently sighted person at work!"
  
  

The variety of responses to your disability can stretch from an openness and a willingness to learn on one end to active distrust, patronizing solicitude, nervous anxiety, and even outright hostility. Those who fear or distrust you worry that their workdays will become burdened somehow by your presence -- whether through extra work for them or a shift in the social strata and perks.

Depressing? Yes, but not hopeless. You can turn the attitudes of your co-workers around pretty quickly, if you know how to handle the situation well.

It's worth pointing out, at this point, that it may be a mistake to assume any negative reactions you get are about your disability. There are lots of other possibilities. If you have to share a responsibility -- for instance, others must take the reception desk while you go to lunch -- a more likely reason your co-worker may act "put upon" is that she sees reception work as "beneath" her. It may be how she would treat the situation with anyone in your job. Trying to deal with that particular situation as related to disability would be a bad idea.

Go to Top of Page


Straight Talk

If you are fortunate, your new employer has made the effort to educate your soon-to-be new co-workers about diversity and disability awareness. This training benefits everyone because it clears obstacles to and creates groundwork for team relationships. Teamwork is all about how the differences among team members can help produce extraordinary results from the group effort because the group draws upon the strengths of each individual.

We are interdependent. We rely on one another for individual skills and work styles. Disability is just another "difference." A workplace that has a strong awareness of the relationship between teamwork and diversity is already on the road to accepting your disability.

If not, it will be up to you to set the stage. Each individual's expectations and observations within your work group over the next few months may determine whether you have any future in that job.

What's the best approach? Here are several suggestions that others have found helpful:

• Come in cheerful and confident. A genuinely sunny disposition makes friends easily.
  
  
• Come in clearly wanting to learn and work hard.
  
  
• Avoid bringing up your disability unless you have a good reason to. You should be able to, but the reality is that people will wonder what you're trying to accomplish by bringing it up.
  
  
• Give people short, factual answers when they ask you about your disability. Don't dwell on it. Here, on eSight, you'll find tools you can use to help people understand visual impairment, such as:

  Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Blind Employees But Were Reluctant to Ask

  How to Speak With a Blind Person

  FAQ: When and How to Guide a Blind Person

  
  
  
• Speak in terms of what you can do -- not what you can't.
  
  
• Try to find a way that you can do something yourself before you ask for help.
  
  
• Look for a way to always repay a favor if you need one.
  
  
• Ask when you need help because of your disability. Don't explain, don't apologize, and don't come off as if you don't expect a result. Assume the other person wants to help you. Everyone needs help sometime. Your own need may not even be about your disability.
  
  
• Remember that the other person may not know when and how to help you. Explain in simple terms they can relate to. Be polite; say "please" and "thank you." Courtesy goes a long way.
  
  
• Respect other people's rights. Being disabled doesn't mean your needs trump other people's. For instance, if someone is allergic to dogs, don't force them to be around yours. Never knowingly inconvenience people, such as asking someone who is giving you a ride to go way out of their way or make them late for an appointment.
  
  
• Work hard, do your part, and go overboard to help someone else from time to time.
  
  
• Take a deep breath when someone is rude or thoughtless. Chances are they didn't mean it. Don't go to the boss to complain, but instead wait a while and then ask the person to talk about what happened. Try to find a way for the conversation to be a success for you both.
  
  
• Stick up for yourself and be assertive. Some people expect disabled people to be sweet and serene and take a lot of guff without reacting. Don't be that person. You may think you are keeping the peace, but you are instead just setting yourself up for worse conflict.
  
  
• Leave your "personal baggage" at home. You, I and a lot of other people have had more than our rightful share of stupid and hurtful comments and questions. But a new job is a new leaf. Start fresh and don't blame your new co-workers for what's happened in the past.
  
  
• Try to understand where the other person is coming from and deal with that. If he just doesn't know about disability, let him watch you work and answer any questions he may have. If he thinks you will slack off, make sure he sees you coming in early and working late. Use the right "cure" for the "disease."
  
  
• Don't be defensive. It's an understandable reaction, but it never helps a tense situation.
  
  
• Take responsibility for your own behavior and reactions. No one can force you to feel a certain way, so don't let them. You have to look at each situation and decide what the best and most realistic outcome will be for you.
  
  
• Be kind.
  
  

Last but best of all -- prove the doubters wrong through your actions. When you succeed and are an integral and valued part of a team and a high-level performer in your own right, your co-workers will realize that their doubts and misgivings were out of line and you were nothing to worry about at all.

Go to Top of Page

Bookmark this article to: