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How to Define Success in Terms Meaningful to YouBy: Nan Hawthorne
Summary:
Ever wonder why "a job well done" comment from others sometimes leaves you cold? Everyone measures success with a different yardstick. Here's how to identify what makes success magical for you. 
Happiness Is...
"Terrific!" - Recognition The Empty In-Box - Accomplishment Basking in the Glow - Belonging The Hand On the Wheel - Influence Happiness Is... Happiness is an elusive feeling, and it's no less elusive when you try to determine what makes you happy in the work you do. How many times have you felt like something was missing from your work? Even if you have your dream job, a great boss, good pay and other trappings of success, you may still have an odd feeling of unease. "What's wrong with me?" you may ask yourself. Success is just as complex -- and personal -- as happiness. We are raised to believe that success has certain characteristics that anyone can recognize. Money. Power. Possessions. You know the drill. But, if this is true, are we, as people with visual impairments, out of luck? As we become a greater part of the world of competitive work, is success, as we understand it, simply out of our reach? Even the most "successful" of us may never see the level of wealth, power and consumption success seems to imply. Our society's definition of success as wealth, power and possessions is not and never has been accurate. If we cling to it, we will miss how we each individually measure it and, as blind and partially sighted people, feel forever denied the "gold." Understanding what success really means to you is essential but largely unrecognized knowledge. If you first recognize what must be present before you -- or others who work with you -- can feel successful, that knowledge will enlighten everything from your career choice to supervising others. If, as people with visual impairments, we need to have an advantage even to be half as attractive as an employee, this knowledge -- and the ability to use it -- can be that advantage. Everyone measures success in a different way. That is, each of us can only perceive success if certain elements are in front of us. You might be the richest, most powerful person in the world, but, if that bit of magic that you need isn't there, you will be rich and powerful but not successful in your own eyes. You might need someone's praise or need to belong to something or need some other less tangible feeling. The purpose of this article is to help you identify what the bit of magic -- in terms of "success" -- is for you. I will give you an easy exercise to do and then map out the four general criteria for measuring success. Don't expect that you'll perfectly fit into just one of these categories. More than likely, you'll find yourself, in various proportions, in each category. You may find you are mostly one but have qualities of two of the others. Bear that in mind as you read. The Exercise: Imagine yourself at a single moment in your life when you know without a doubt that you are a success. This might be a real moment in your life or it might be imaginary, a daydream. Examine every aspect of the scene. What is happening? Who, if anyone, is there? What, if anything, is being said or done? What has happened to make you define this moment as a success? Here are a few examples to help you with the exercise:
Go to Top of Page "Terrific!" - Recognition Did you see yourself being praised like Jenny? Or were you holding a trophy in your hands or accepting an award? Did someone you really admire thank you or recognize you in some other way for something you did, said or are? These and similar clues tell you that you are "praise motivated." You crave recognition, the stamp of approval and the verification from outside you that you are a success. Some people are embarrassed to be praise-motivated. Their mothers told them that what other people think of you does not matter. But, while an admirable philosophy, it overlooks one essential characteristic of human beings: We are what are called "bonding" animals. Like porpoises, wolves and gorillas, we need the pod, pack or band. When we are first born, we connect emotionally to those closest to us (it's called "imprinting"), and, throughout our lives like any other bonding animal, we look to each other for guidance and for approval. Wanting and needing praise is human nature, literally. People who are praise-motivated say things that sound like this:
You should probably look for work where your efforts will be perceptible to others. You will not enjoy utter isolation: You must at least hear about your success. You will not work well with people who criticize you constantly or ignore you altogether. You also will never feel good about a job you're not that good at. Stick to things you are good at or improve your skills. If your current job doesn't make you feel appreciated, either find ways to get that approval in the job or take on some other activity, such as volunteering or a craft, that will. When you recognize praise-motivation in another, make him feel good with a simple, genuine "thank you" and a compliment. Do what you can to be sure others recognize his good qualities. Let him get credit for projects. Write references. Get him featured in the employee newsletter. Make him "Team Member of the Month" and pin a blue ribbon on him. If it is your child, put his artwork on the refrigerator. Go to Top of Page The Empty In-Box - Accomplishment Did you instead see yourself standing back and gazing at or leaning forward to count a lot of completed work? Did you see an empty in-box and very full out-box or a clean house? Or a handmade rocking chair, its finish gleaming in the light from the window? Did you find yourself putting your pen down after the last of your final exams or putting on a huge dinner? Maybe you just saw yourself coming home after a complicated business trip. This probably means that you are "accomplishment-motivated." You need to see or have some other perception of a great deal of work done. Usually there must be tangible evidence -- a pile, a checked-off list, being able to walk away literally. Sometimes just the knowledge of the work being done is enough, like when I send the final draft of an article to my editor (it is electronic so the only "evidence" that it is done is when it shows up on eSight) is my knowledge that it is finished. Being accomplishment-motivated means you will most likely feel the most successful when you yourself know a task has been completed, that it is behind you. One of the tricky things about these folks is that, if you praise them and they don't feel like they accomplished anything, they will think you are being insincere and possibly even distrust you or your judgment. If an accomplishment-motivated person doesn't see for herself "a job well done," then it might as well not have been. The cookies must be baked, the papers dealt with, the house spotless, the airport growing more distant behind her, the dishes done and put away. If you are accomplishment-motivated you have probably found yourself saying:
Jim T. has a job where the company also puts high priority on products but then just dropped them after a great deal of work is done. On top of that he often has more work than he can complete in the time allotted, so he has trouble perceiving the milestones. Because he is decidedly accomplishment-motivated, his stress on this job is a problem. When being accomplishment-motivated goes too far, the person so motivated may become obsessive about the work and a slave-driver over themselves and anyone else involved. They lose track of the spirit of teamwork or are workaholics. They can also be colossal bores. When you perceive that someone you know is accomplishment-motivated, you will help her feel successful, if you praise the quantity rather than quality of her work. Be sure she has everything she needs to finish a task. Find ways to denote milestones in work that is less tangible. Give her a place to put finished work. Reward her at different points in a project or for amounts of work done or time spent with the company. Go to Top of Page Basking in the Glow - Belonging On the other hand, you might have pictured yourself involved in some activity that involved a group of your friends, your family, your school or your workplace. What matters in the situation is that "We did it!" -- not "I did it!" If, for instance, you are a Major League baseball player, you will feel much more successful when your team wins the World Series than when you were picked for the League All-Star team. These scenarios reveal a strong drive to belong, and people who do are often called "affiliation-motivated." If you are affiliation-motivated, you value being associated with a successful group. This loyalty could be to a family, a school, a club, a team, a nationality, country or even a planet. You can even turn it upside down and be proud of who you are not. The rebellious kids in high school will go out of their way not to be like the popular kids in every way. If belonging is your thing, you probably say things like these:
The sorts of jobs that will work for you involve a strong sense of teamwork or are associated with organizations you admire. Remember how excited Seinfeld's George Costanza of the long-running TV series was when he got his job with the New York Yankees? You probably won't want to have to explain over and over what you and your company do, unless you consider your extreme specialization an affiliation in itself -- the exclusive club. You will prefer companies that have employee activities during and outside of work. It has been my observation that deaf people, sharing a common language, form stronger communities than do blind people. But certainly groups such as the National Federation of the Blind (NFB) inspire much loyalty and distinction. Any time someone describes a group as "We are the people who ..." and then goes on to describe a superior approach to a subject, you have affiliation. When I managed a volunteer program, I would say that affiliation-motivated volunteers were the easiest to keep happy because all you need to do is "slap a tee shirt on them!" At an urban development group, almost all of the volunteers were vested in belonging -- after all, they were there hoping to build a neighborhood. We had a beautiful tee shirt with a painting of the park that was to be central to the neighborhood. The volunteers wore their tee shirts and beamed with pride. You can support someone who needs to belong to a successful group by praising the group rather than praising him. Give him gifts with the group name or logo on it. Say "we" instead of "you." Create plenty of opportunities for group projects or activities. Make a point of asking how his group is doing or mentioning when you hear something about the group on the news. Point out when you know someone famous is or was a member of the group. The person will love being associated with the success of the team. Post a list of members of a team, including his name, of course, in a public area. Go to Top of Page The Hand On the Wheel - Influence Finally we come to the fourth scene you may have envisioned. Perhaps you saw a policy or law being changed because of your leadership. Maybe your idea to increase efficiency has been adopted by your company. You might see others trying to copy the way you dress. You might persuade someone else to change his or her plans. Perhaps you are being honored at a ceremony marking the anniversary of an organization you helped start. Or a young person you mentored gets off drugs and goes back to school. If so, you may be what is called "influence-motivated." Other writers have called this one "power-motivated," but I don't think the connotations of "power" are really a fair characterization of people who, like you, tend to gravitate toward this category. It isn't that you want to force someone else to do things your way. Rather, you want to inspire them to take that path. You may feel you have a better way of doing something, a better plan for a project, a better idea for solving a problem or a better view of the consequences of a good or bad decision. If influence motivates you, the words out of your mouth may sound like these:
When influence turns into control, this motivator is no longer as benign. Every project needs a hand on the wheel, a conductor in the box with a baton, a coach calling plays. But, when the aim of the leader is only to control and she loses sight of the common goal, you get tyrants -- the "Boss from Hell," the bossy family member, or the team member who throws a fit and goes home, taking the ball with her. Help an influence-motivated person feel successful by asking for her advice or feedback. Assign her to advisory committees. Team her with others not so drawn to lead -- but not pushovers. Start doing something her way. Change a policy and give her credit for suggesting it. Take her advice. Name a program she championed after her. Praise her wisdom and innovation. Comment on what an inspiration she is. Mention that you notice how well behaved or accomplished her kids are. Tell her she has the best run department or is a role model to someone else. As I said above, it is extremely likely that you are a combination of these types. I, for example, am both praise and accomplishment motivated. I had the chance to see which tendency was stronger one day when I took a day off from work to clean the house top to bottom. When it was done I thought to myself, "Well, now I can see which motivator is stronger. If, when my husband gets home, I just let it go, I'm more accomplishment-motivated. If I point out how clean the place is, I'm more praise-motivated." I pointed it out as soon as he walked in the door! You can use these rough guidelines for how people generally define success for themselves (recognition, accomplishment, belonging and influence) in at least three constructive ways:
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