Troubled Tribute

Summary:
From the book, "Break Out: Finding FreedomWhen You Don't Quite Fit The Mold,"a modern literary memoir of 51 short storiesabout what it means to be presumed different.

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"Life is a continual struggle
to justify the discrepancy
between our own perceptions
and those of others about who we are."
Anonymous

I saw my mother-in-law rise to her feet at the table right in front of the podium as soon as the applause began. She stood there alone, a smile on her face, looking at me and clapping for a long three seconds -- out of love and pride -- before others, here and there in the large banquet hall, began to pop up to their feet. Then, the whole banquet hall gave me a standing ovation.

Until then, I was comfortable receiving the Co-op Builder Award during the 25th annual meeting of the Wisconsin Federation of Cooperatives in Madison.

But, as I gingerly stabbed each of the steps leading off the riser with my crutches to get a sure footing for my return to my family's banquet table, my stomach became queasy. Otto and Marian Christopherson, two other Co-op Builder recipients who accepted their awards before I came on stage, hadn't received a standing ovation. Why should I?

Then, two more Co-op Builder recipients appeared before the banquet crowd of 300 people ￂ? Julian Warren, a strong business leader who had served as chairman of the board for several cooperatives during the last 30 years, and Damon Szymanski, an outstanding dairy farmer and volunteer who had spearheaded 25 projects to advise agricultural and cooperative leaders in Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union. They did not receive standing ovations. So, why should I?

Maybe I don't understand the unspoken rules of a standing ovation. But, I suspect that, once there are at least five people on their feet who are clapping enthusiastically in an audience of a couple hundred people, a standing ovation is in the making.

Every time I see at least five people standing and clapping at the end of a play or a concert -- and I'm still sitting -- I feel guilty. Was the performance that good? I just assume the five people are experts and know a superb performance when they see one. So, I stand and join them. Yes, the performance was special.

To me, the most intriguing performer of our evening was Damon, who had used his knowledge of dairy cooperatives and the Polish language to help foster economic development in Poland on a volunteer basis. Didn't that dedication deserve a standing ovation?

The program brochure for the awards banquet summarized the accomplishments of each recipient. "Jim's primary skill is communications," it read, "and, while working with a severe speech handicap, he has reached the pinnacle of his profession through his writing and through coaching other people."

All five of us award winners were recognized that night for our leadership and our contributions to the cooperative movement in Wisconsin. But, each of us took a different path, based on our skills and vocation, in achieving our goals. And, in the process, we each had taken advantage of our strengths and had overcome our weaknesses.

So, why should a man with crutches and a speech difficulty receive special recognition with a standing ovation? The other honorees probably had gone through struggles just as real but not as apparent as I had.

Warren could have been suffering from painful bunions for the last 20 years ￂ? bunions that could have made him irritable. Yet, no one could have known for sure because he would have had the fortitude to overcome that grouchiness.

Instead, Warren developed the reputation for effectively fostering the team work that made him successful as a board chairman of several cooperatives.

For all we knew, Damon could have had a fear of flying. He could have quietly fought a panic every time he flew to meet with his co-op counterparts in Eastern Europe.

The ovation actually negated the commonality I had with the other four "Co-op Builders." I was separated from the group as "special," when, in reality, all five of us were "special."

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